“To touch can be to give life”֊ Michelangelo
Who would have ever thought of a time when a handshake or a friendly hug would be legally forbidden? When, if you were the least concerned about others in your life, you would put a mask over your nose and mouth to avoid either getting or giving COVID 19 to someone else?
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It’s hard to imagine these things when they’ve never before been known in the world.
But have you forgotten the magical power of a sincere hug? How it makes you aware someone actually does care for you? How your whole body reacts with gratitude and warmth?
It’s become easier not to touch at all. But is that good for society? Could the simple caring touch of a hug help in what seems to be an ever increasing scourge of folks with mental health problems?
Doctors of course have to touch their patients, but you can bet they have lots of discussion about this with each other, and for the most part are extremely careful about it.
There are doctors and doctors of course, and many of them today will actually just record what you’re saying as they type on their computers. At the end of this few minutes appointment you will undoubtedly end up with a typed prescription too.
Nurses, physiotherapists, massage practitioners simply could not do their jobs without using the touching required by their professions. Their patients benefit so much from the expertise and caring demonstrated that they’ll often describe it as magic.
In the beginning...
atta boy/girl exclamation mark!
And yes, there are examples of inappropriate touching leading to horrible results in all these professions - actually in almost every situation you can think of. But should that be enough reason to discourage caring touch in our society - a society in which screen time actually takes away from interpersonal relationship time, and in which depression is running rampant?
August 2018 depression stats from the World Health Organization reveal 300 million folks around the world have depression. In the United States 16.2 million adults ( 6.7% of all adults) have experienced major depression in the past year.
The relationship between societal caring touching, loneliness and depression is starting to affect so many people that even governments are now starting to sit up and take notice. The UK now has a minister of loneliness.
Psychologists recognize meaningful physical contact ( not necessarily sexual) is crucially important to warding off depression in life. Failing to satisfy your need for human touch can have emotional and even physical consequences.
Dr. Terry Kupers, a psychologist and author who has spent decades testifying as an expert witness on behalf of those in solitary confinement, has firm belief in the value of touch. "Physical contact is a requirement of being human," says Kupers. "There's something healing about it. It [touch] is not just correlated with being human—it is being human."
A hug from a close friend isn’t only comforting, it also produces feel good hormones in the brain like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin – all of which help boost the immune system and ward off illness. But it does more than just make you feel good, according to this study it can also accurately communicate emotions like gratitude, love and sympathy.
American adolescents touch each other less and are more aggressive toward their peers as compared with French adolescents
Nothing quite defines our biological position as social animals more than the value and necessity of touching in order to feel complete. Its importance carries through at every stage of life, ending of course with the need for touch experienced by elderly folks, or those in the last stage of life.
Be respectful of others space
- There’s nothing wrong with asking a comparative stranger if you can give them a hug. You’ll usually find a delighted smile and willing acceptance of the offer. I’ve only ever had one woman absolutely refuse, and we’re still good friends.
Ease into touch gently
- Often just a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder can show you care.
Hand holding thoughts
- Hands are meant to be held at least once per day. There are numerous opportunities to achieve this. You just have to find them.
Moving on. You’ve lived a full life. You’re wise. You’ve learned over the years how valuable touching is. Actually the lack of it happened so gradually you’ve only now started to analyze it.
Where did it all go? You’ve outlived so many folks you relied on just to be there. They were your relatives, one, your child. You’ve outlived your money, and your physical abilities. The world is closing in about you. Now you have a little room, with just two of your things from long ago.
You have care, delivered by those who are paid to care. Their touching isn’t the same. You were a burden on your parents, so long ago, but their reassuring hugs and touches said “it’s okay, we love you”.
Now you have no one to help you through this final time in life. You feel like a burden on society. It’s not like when you entered the world. The exit is painful, not graceful. The touching you experience from paid caregivers is dispassionate. Your body is there just to be cleaned, and that is a chore.
You feel like you’re in solitary confinement. And you are. Your peers sit in their wheelchairs too. Most of them don’t say much. Many just babble, cry or scream. Some, like you, are just quiet, and escape into their own thoughts. You never thought you’d end up this way.
You don’t care about food so much any more, although you can still smell the home baked cookies you used to bake. Strange how that happens.
Your eyes want to see others look into them.
Your ears want to hear a reasonable conversation just devoted to you, or even someone reading to you.
That would be nice.
Things are changing from day to day with Covid 19. Conflicting reports and misinformation is rampant on the internet. Please observe the basic rules for keeping yourself and others protected as much as you can. Masks help. Vaccines help. But there are no guarantees you’re safe. Just the way it is.
When you go shopping please sanitize your hands. I still use my trusty, travel-size hand sanitizer, but there are many more. Washing hands with soap and water can’t be beat, when you have the opportunity.
And no, this is still a challenging time to touch others, even though you're feeling smugly safe.
But this is also the time when you give a cheerful smile and greeting to others, whether you know them or not. That mask might feel like a prison. Only you can break out and give others as much joy as possible.
Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to comment below. Be kind.
Sea holly is easy to grow and maintain. This particular one though has not been easy to propagate. It doesn’t seem to set seed or have root runners that would give new plants. That’s because it has a tap root, and I’m reluctant to try and interfere with its underground roots!
This sea holly loves its location in full sun, little water, and is very drought tolerant, perfect for our climate. In fact if these plants get too much loving care and water they will have very short lives!
The flowers are long lasting. You can either leave them on the plant, in which case their blue color will diminish, or you can use them as cut flowers in their prime, and actually dry them for winter arrangements.